Grumpy in Madeira

Bom Dia 

I APOLOGISE NOW FOR THE RANT!!!!

It was NOT a good start to today I’m afraid.

For two reasons.

Firstly the little bastard has struck again. Yes Smokey has eaten half of the trellis. 😡.

Bit’s of wood everywhere, he must of been chewing for half the night.

Little F***er will end up in the Lavada 😡.

The other reason the day started badly was because of a local guy.

I was having my morning cup of coffee. I was trying to get over the Vinho from last night.

I was feeling a little tender.

Smokey and Bandit started to bark like crazy. They only bark at that intensity, which is deafening, when there’s another dog about.

I went outside into the “God Almighty Commotion.” My dogs were barking and snarling at the gate. It was not doing great things for my head 😡.

Sure enough there WAS another dog there, it was attached to a smirking f***er, who looked like the local simpleton. 

He had his dog (which looked like a Beagle hound) on a leash right up to the gate. 

He had this stupid looking grin on his face that i just wanted to slap 😡. 

He was so engrossed and enjoying himself, making my two go crazy, that he didn’t notice me at first.

He got a fright when I shouted “OIHH, what the fuck you playing at?” I told Smokey and Bandit to “pack it in.” Then, I moved them away from the gate. 

I asked him why he did it ? He just smiled like the village idiot but didn’t seem to be leaving. 

I asked him very politely to move away from the gate. I asked again when he didn’t seem to be moving. My head was about to split open from the barking. I then told him to kindly “F**K OFF”!!!!. 😡

He started to understand the universal wording and moved away. 

He called me a very choice Portuguese swear word. For those of you that speak the lingo, it started with an S and ended with ANA. He probably thought I wouldn’t understand. WRONG!!!!

I know quite a few bad words in a number of languages (not much else, only swear words…funnily enough).

I’m afraid “I lost it” I told him HE was the S**ana. I asked him to come back and I threatened to throw him and his dog into the Lavada. 😡

He didn’t take me up on it. 

What a start to the day!!!!

A Lavada is a drainage channel (for want of a better description) to divert the rain water out to sea.

We have one right next to our house. It’s really nice to hear the trickling water in the background, 24 hours a day. I only go to the loo 36 times a day.

Anyway back to the day

I like pottering about. It stops me from getting bored. Otherwise, I usually end up getting pissed 🥴.

So what to potter with ?? Garden things, I think!!

Just look what was in the banana plantation at the bottom of my garden.

A Kestrel, just perched in the tree. On the look out for Lizards (Lagartixa) and mice (Ratos)

 I hope he doesn’t eat too many of the Lizards. I like those little fellas.

A while ago we cut back the fruit trees, Maria said they needed it. The branches have been drying out since.

 I’ve decided that my job today is to get rid of the branches.

That should cheer her up 😏

So I’ve got an idea!!!!

What does wood do best….Yeah!!!! burn baby burn.

I do admit that I love playing with fire.

So the sun is out, music on, BBQ lit and beer chilled……..lovely.

My type of work!!!!

I converted my garden shed into a little bar, to use when we have a BBQ. It also comes in handy for refreshments when I’m working hard. 😉😎

I’m going to try to not drink a lot of beer today.

So. Over a few hours I managed to get all the branches burnt. I stopped drinking beer after a few bottle’s. Only then I started on Gin & Tonics!!! In my defence, it was a hot day and I thought G&T’s would be more refreshing.

I did have a good afternoon. A little TOO good I’m afraid. Yes I ended up quite pissed. I think it was to much sun. 😎🥴

Maria cooked tonight.

I’m not sure what it was😉

I was thinking about maybe having a glass of wine with dinner. After I got THE look from Maria, I didn’t bother.

Also she never even said “well done” for getting rid of the branches. 😡

What a day!!!!!